How do I love thee?

My brother sent me an email this morning with a link to a short YouTube excerpt of an address by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "How do I love thee?" As soon as I saw the title, a flood of memories came back to me. Second semester freshman year at BYU. Eighteen years old. Sitting with my roommate, Amber, in the Marriott Center. Frantically scribbling down as much of Elder Holland's message as I could... because he was giving that speech TO ME. FOR ME.

These words, in particular, pierced straight into my heart and soul:

"In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without having the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person's care you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure.

"Members of the First Presidency have taught that 'any form of physical or mental abuse to any woman is not worthy of any priesthood holder' and that no 'man who holds the priesthood of God [should] abuse his wife in any way, [or] demean or injure or take undue advantage of [any] woman'--and that includes friends, dates, sweethearts, and fiancées, to say nothing of wives (James E. Faust, "The Highest Place of Honor," Ensign, May 1988, 37, and Gordon B. Hinckley, "Reach Out in Love and Kindness," Ensign, November 1982, 77)."

Elder Holland's words changed the course and direction of my life. Within a few days, I had ended a pain-filled relationship, and the release and peace and freedom I felt were overwhelming. Elder Holland reminded me that I deserved better. That I was a beloved daughter of God, and He wanted me to be treated with respect and true Christ-like love. About a year and a half later, I married the most Christ-like man I'd ever known. And I give Elder Holland (through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit) a large portion of the credit for putting my feet in that direction.

When I think back on that day in 2000, I often ponder how I will give my own daughters that same vision that Elder Holland gave to me. How can I help them to understand that they do not need to waste one moment with someone who disrespects them emotionally or physically? I guess it's my hope that I will be able to infuse that message into every fiber of their beings starting now. So that if ever a date or boyfriend belittles something they hold sacred, they won't waste a moment before they walk away from him forever. Because they will know at their very core that they can find someone better. That they deserve better. That's my hope.