Angels Among Us

What an amazing conference weekend! I feel so full and inspired. But I specifically want to mention Elder Holland's talk about angels. He spoke with power about the angels--seen and unseen, immortal and mortal--who are always among us, helping us. I can add my own testimony to his that this is absolutely true.

I have been struggling lately with a concern for which I have desperately wanted an answer. I asked the Lord, prior to the start of conference, to help me find the answers I needed through the messages that would be shared. This afternoon, between sessions, the Holy Spirit reminded me of an experience that put all my worries to rest. That experience involved an earthly angel who spoke peace to my heart at a pivotal moment in my life. Then my mind reflected back on a number of other similar experiences where the Lord used messengers to teach, reassure, and comfort me in ways I can never forget.

I can never forget the young man I crossed paths with at the Cannon Center one Sunday during my freshman year at BYU. I cannot remember his name, and I cannot tell you for certain whether he was even mortal. Our conversation led me to believe that he may have been a literal angel. We began talking as we waited in line to get our lunch and then shared a table for the meal. I found myself sharing some personal problems and trials with him. And he spoke to me with a wisdom and understanding I can only attribute to the power of the Holy Spirit. He urged me: "Never settle for anything less than what you've always dreamed of." This and other advice led me to make a significant change in my life for the better, and I will never, ever forget this experience. I know the Lord spoke to me through a kind messenger that day.

I can never forget an experience in the Provo temple later that same year. I had gone to do baptisms for the dead with a dear friend, and, while I waited for my friend after we had finished, I sat on a bench reading the scriptures. As we headed to leave, a male temple worker approached me and said, "Thank you for sitting and reading. You have such a worthy spirit about you." Only God knew just how much I needed to hear those very words that day. An outsider may have thought it was a strange thing to say to someone, but, to me, it felt like a love note straight from God. I'm so grateful that kind man was in-tune that day.

I can never forget the first Sunday after I got married. My new husband and I attended sacrament meeting at a ward in Manti, UT. After the meeting, we contemplated leaving early to head to the next stop on our honeymoon trip. Instead, we decided to stay for the remainder of the church meetings. I am so glad we did. As I sat in Relief Society, the friendly older sister next to me reached out to me. We talked a bit, and I mentioned that I was on my honeymoon. As the meeting ended and we were parting, she told me that she "knew everything was going to be great for us." She did not know the aches and troubles in my heart, but God did. And I knew He had inspired that woman to speak those very words to me.

I can never forget Sister Dautel. She was a Sister Missionary at the St. George Temple visitor's center. My husband and I had planned to do a session at the St. George Temple during our honeymoon trip, but, when we arrived at the temple, it was closed for cleaning. We were disappointed, but we decided to head over to the visitor's center. We were greeted by a tiny elderly sister with a German accent. She took us under her wing, showed us every wonderful thing there was to see at the visitor's center, and, as we stood before the Christus statue, she spoke of her early marriage and the testimony she had gained of the blessing of tithing, that if we would always pay our tithing, we would always be taken care of. She radiated the most loving spirit. Her eyes were full of compassion and kindness. She encouraged us and filled us with hope for our marriage and our future. It was a beautiful tender mercy that we met Sister Dautel that day. She was an angel.

I can never forget the afternoon that we signed the papers for the mortgage of our home. After the piles and piles of paperwork had been completed, we stood in the entry of the mortgage office chatting with our loan officers. One was an older gentleman with a strong Utah accent named Dale. He radiated warmth and love. He spoke so kindly to us. I don't remember everything he said, but I do remember the Spirit I felt as he spoke. He said how great everything was going to be for us. And I didn't even want to leave because of the way I felt around him. At the time, I just thought what a kind man he was. But, as the Lord has reminded me of that experience, I have felt impressed that the Lord was using Dale to assure us that we were making the right decision to purchase our home. I am so grateful for Dale's warm and loving Spirit that afternoon.

So many angels have touched and blessed my life. I couldn't even begin to relate them all. I know the Lord loves me. I can never doubt it. I am so grateful for the wonderful men and women, many of them strangers, who have been in-tune enough to be instruments in God's hand to tenderly bring me peace and comfort. I loved Elder Uchtdorf's words in the General Relief Society broadcast--while the number of prayers we pray is important, the number of prayers we answer is of even greater importance. I want to be "more angelic" as Elder Holland urged. I want to be an instrument to answer the prayers of others--be they friends or strangers. I hope I already have.

Prayers of a child

Sometimes there are those times as a parent when you feel so helpless. You want to help your child, but there is only so much you can do. The other night my four year-old had nightmares. She's my third child, so we've dealt with nightmares before. We put her back to bed and I thought that was the end of it. The next night, however, when it was time to go to bed, she was sobbing. She didn't want to go to bed because she was afraid of the nightmares coming back. The only thing I could do for her was to do what my parents would do for me when I would have bad dreams as a child: pray. She wasn't very convinced that this would work. My eight year-old assured her that it really does work because it has worked for her. We prayed and I was able to get her to bed. That night I prayed and prayed for her. I wanted her to experience answers to her prayers. The next morning I was anxious to talk to her and see how her night went. With all the enthusiasm of her cute personality she proclaimed that she did not have any bad dreams that night. Now she continually prays to not have bad dreams and she doesn't! I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who loves my children even more than I do. He answers prayers.

Mini-miracle

Today I'm thankful for mini-miracles. Maybe that's the wrong way to describe them? All miracles are marvelous, no matter how small, right? But, back to the point...

Yesterday our downstairs air conditioner decided to quit working. Because we live in the desert, air conditioning is almost essential. And we really don't have the money to pay for a/c repairs right now. So it was causing us some stress.

My husband fiddled with the thermostat and looked at the a/c unit a bit (not really knowing what to look for or do, but just wanting to do something). Then we did the only thing we knew how to do... we knelt down as a family and prayed. We asked the Lord to help our air conditioner to start working again and to help us to know what to do.

Then we moved on with faith in our hearts that it would work out somehow. We ate dinner downstairs in the heat and then headed up to the cooler air upstairs to play some games. Later in the evening, when we went back downstairs, we noticed that the air seemed cooler than it had before. At first I just assumed it had cooled-off because of the cooler night air. But then I thought for sure there was cool-ish air coming from the a/c vent. Sure enough, when my husband went outside to check, both of the units were working again!

We both looked heavenward and said, "Thank you!"

God is so good to us! Miracles do happen! Isn't it wonderful?!

P.S. It turns out that the a/c isn't trouble-free. It has stopped working for a few hours over the past few days. But at least it hasn't given out completely! And the heat hasn't been too unbearable. It was still a little miracle in my mind regardless. :-)

What I really needed

Monday was a bad day. Not because of anything that happened but just because of how I felt. All day long I was plagued with negative thoughts and feelings. All day long I found myself on the verge of tears. Then my husband came home, and I fell apart at the seams, blubbering to him, "Will you please make dinner?" He readily got to work while I fled to my bedroom for some unbridled praying and sobbing.

Over and I over I pleaded to the Lord to help me understand why I was feeling that way... so lost and alone and unable to hear or feel the Spirit. I sobbed and prayed and sobbed and prayed. I opened up my scriptures looking for comfort, guidance, anything. I've always been able to find help in those sacred words. But I found nothing that night. I couldn't even find peace through music. Where was the Lord? Where was the Spirit? What was wrong with me?

Then I fell asleep.

And awhile later, I woke up. My two daughters had climbed onto my bed... hugging and kissing me, saying they loved me, and telling me my dinner was ready downstairs. Not to mention the dishes done, kitchen cleaned, and laundry in the works.

And I was me again.

I couldn't help but think of how Heavenly Father must have felt watching me sob and writhe in my agony. How many times have I listened to the miserable crying of my toddler when she has been beyond the point of tired and wanted to say to her, "Just go to sleep!" God knew exactly what I really needed on Monday. And, though I thought He had abandoned me, He was there all along. Probably shaking his head in loving pity and whispering to my soul, "Just go to sleep!"

He knows us so well. He loves us. He will never leave us alone.

Life's Adversities

President James E. Faust said:
"Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow and heartbreak for everyone. The thorns that prick the flesh, that hurt, often change lives. This change comes about through a refining process which seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master."

As I look back over my life I can honestly say that there have come very painful, despairing days. There have been many thorns that have pricked not only my flesh but my very soul. And the refining process has many times seemed cruel and hard and sometimes unending.

From my childhood thru now, the challenges have been many. Moving far from home, losing a child, serious health issues, concerns for children, husband who had cancer, very ill parents, job loses and the list could go on and on. It seems that we all have experiences that try us to our very core.

Isaiah 48:10: "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."

I understand that these experiences are for my best good. I have to thank God in all things in my life - even my very deepest sorrows. That can be a hard thing to do, especially when I am at my very deepest depths. At times I feel all alone with no where to turn. Yet, when I sit still (be still)I feel the Lord's great love for me and his warmth and tenderness fills me with renewed hope and faith that things will turn out OK. Many times He speaks to me through music, especially the hymns. I will wake up with a hymn in my head - a verse or a line or sometimes the entire hymn. Hymns like:
Where Can I Turn For Peace - "who, who can understand? He, only One."
Cast Thy Burden Upon the Lord - "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee."
Do What is Right - "Do what is right; be faithful & fearless, God will protect you; then do what is right!"
How Firm A Foundation - "He'll never, no never, no never forsake!"
Take Time to be Holy - "In joy or in sorrow, still follow thy Lord, And looking to Jesus, still trust in His word."
Sing Praise to Him - "With healing balm my soul He fills, And every faithless murmur still."

These are just a few of the hymns that have been sent as comforting reminders that the Lord indeed is very aware of me and the things I have struggled with.

All I can do is let my heart shout in grateful praise to Him. He has been with me always and has carried me many a time thru sticky slime to a safe and firm place. I have recognized that through all my adversities I can only give Him thanks and gratitude for the challenge, because they have led me to higher ground. My adversities have been the only way that I could have made the changes for better and learned more how to be like Him.

I have learned more and more that when I thank Him for everything, good or bad and for the experiences and lessons learned I am more aware of the great blessings He gives to me. I am grateful for Him and everything that He does for me. I am never alone. And I will meet each new adversity and challenge with a determination to thank Him for all things.

The Prophet Joseph

“I feel like shouting, hallelujah, all the time, when I think that I ever knew Joseph Smith, the Prophet.” ~Brigham Young

I've been thinking about Joseph Smith today. I often imagine what it would have been like to be among the early saints, to have known the Prophet personally. I have several ancestors who were friends of the Prophet. John Solomon Fullmer, for instance, was one of them. When his parents became interested in being baptized, John was "bitterly opposed to them joining what he called some 'new fangled' religion." But he softened to their choice and determined to investigate their new religion with an open heart. "At the end of two years, he decided to go to Nauvoo to visit with the portion of his family living there and to see for himself the Prophet Joseph Smith. He made the journey from Nashville to Nauvoo, Illinois on horseback in the Spring of 1839 and, before returning to Nashville, was baptized into the Church by the Prophet Joseph Smith on 29 July 1839" (from The Life of John Solomon Fullmer). John had been bitterly opposed to the Church, but upon meeting Joseph Smith, he was converted. The story is nearly repeated with several of my other ancestors. Though previously skeptical, they embraced the gospel after they had met the Prophet personally.

I wonder what it would have been like to be in the presence of Joseph Smith. Being in his presence had a powerful impact on my ancestors. I have met people who have an aura of love and sincerity and just feel good to be around. Was the Prophet Joseph one of those people? In a New Era article, "The Personality of the Prophet," Richard Lloyd Anderson tells us:

"Those closest to Joseph felt the power of the Spirit, which came upon him. Lorenzo Snow was 18 and not yet converted when he first watched Joseph Smith. He heard Joseph Smith speak in his neighborhood, standing in the doorway of John Johnson’s farmhouse. The Prophet began telling of the coming of Moroni 'in a rather low voice,' but his inner feelings poured out as he proceeded 'and seemed to affect the whole audience with the feeling that he was honest and sincere.' After his baptism, Lorenzo attended meetings in the Kirtland temple when Joseph Smith’s 'whole person shone, and his face was lightened until it appeared as the whiteness of the driven snow' (Deseret News, 23 December 1899)."

Mary Alice Cannon Lambert, an English convert, described her first encounter with the Prophet Joseph this way:

“I first saw Joseph Smith in the Spring of 1843. When the boat in which we came up the Mississippi River reached the landing at Nauvoo, several of the leading brethren were there to meet the company of saints that had come on it. Among those brethren was the Prophet Joseph Smith. I knew him the instant my eyes rested upon him, and at that moment I received my testimony that he was a Prophet of God. … He was not pointed out to me. I knew him from all the other men, and, child that I was (I was only fourteen) I knew that I saw a Prophet of God” (“Joseph Smith, the Prophet,” Young Woman’s Journal, Dec. 1905, p. 554).

I remember being a small child and hearing the story of Joseph Smith's First Vision in Primary. I have always known it was true with every fiber of my being. I never had any doubt in my mind that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith in that grove of trees and spoke to him there. Almost like it was written into the very cells of my body. Maybe it was, in a sense, an inheritance from my ancestors who knew the Prophet Joseph themselves? But the important thing is that anyone can have that same assurance regardless of their inability to meet the Prophet or their lack of pioneer ancestors. Anyone can know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God.

When Joseph Smith lacked wisdom in his search for truth, he took his concerns to God. We, too, can ask our loving Father in Heaven to reveal truth to us. Was Joseph Smith really a prophet of God? I invite you to ask God with sincerity, and I know that He will answer.

Answer To Prayer

The Lord will not make you bear more than he knows you can handle, but he sure will push you as close to that line as possible sometimes. Then, just when you think that you can't handle anymore of the storms, there is a break in the clouds. I had an experience this morning that really made this truth hit home for me. Unfortunately I am unable to share this experience right now, but I will as soon as it is appropriate for all parties involved.
I just want to bear my testimony, that I know that the Lord hears and answers our prayers. He is mindful of EVERY detail of our lives and circumstances. I know that he has a plan for each and every one of us, and that he will lead and guide us to where we need to be, if we listen to his promptings. I am so grateful for being a member of the Church, and having the Gospel in my life, and for being an Eternal family.
We all have storms that roll through our lives, but take comfort. If we are faithful the Lord will carry us through.