What I really needed

Monday was a bad day. Not because of anything that happened but just because of how I felt. All day long I was plagued with negative thoughts and feelings. All day long I found myself on the verge of tears. Then my husband came home, and I fell apart at the seams, blubbering to him, "Will you please make dinner?" He readily got to work while I fled to my bedroom for some unbridled praying and sobbing.

Over and I over I pleaded to the Lord to help me understand why I was feeling that way... so lost and alone and unable to hear or feel the Spirit. I sobbed and prayed and sobbed and prayed. I opened up my scriptures looking for comfort, guidance, anything. I've always been able to find help in those sacred words. But I found nothing that night. I couldn't even find peace through music. Where was the Lord? Where was the Spirit? What was wrong with me?

Then I fell asleep.

And awhile later, I woke up. My two daughters had climbed onto my bed... hugging and kissing me, saying they loved me, and telling me my dinner was ready downstairs. Not to mention the dishes done, kitchen cleaned, and laundry in the works.

And I was me again.

I couldn't help but think of how Heavenly Father must have felt watching me sob and writhe in my agony. How many times have I listened to the miserable crying of my toddler when she has been beyond the point of tired and wanted to say to her, "Just go to sleep!" God knew exactly what I really needed on Monday. And, though I thought He had abandoned me, He was there all along. Probably shaking his head in loving pity and whispering to my soul, "Just go to sleep!"

He knows us so well. He loves us. He will never leave us alone.