How do I love thee?

My brother sent me an email this morning with a link to a short YouTube excerpt of an address by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "How do I love thee?" As soon as I saw the title, a flood of memories came back to me. Second semester freshman year at BYU. Eighteen years old. Sitting with my roommate, Amber, in the Marriott Center. Frantically scribbling down as much of Elder Holland's message as I could... because he was giving that speech TO ME. FOR ME.

These words, in particular, pierced straight into my heart and soul:

"In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without having the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person's care you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure.

"Members of the First Presidency have taught that 'any form of physical or mental abuse to any woman is not worthy of any priesthood holder' and that no 'man who holds the priesthood of God [should] abuse his wife in any way, [or] demean or injure or take undue advantage of [any] woman'--and that includes friends, dates, sweethearts, and fiancées, to say nothing of wives (James E. Faust, "The Highest Place of Honor," Ensign, May 1988, 37, and Gordon B. Hinckley, "Reach Out in Love and Kindness," Ensign, November 1982, 77)."

Elder Holland's words changed the course and direction of my life. Within a few days, I had ended a pain-filled relationship, and the release and peace and freedom I felt were overwhelming. Elder Holland reminded me that I deserved better. That I was a beloved daughter of God, and He wanted me to be treated with respect and true Christ-like love. About a year and a half later, I married the most Christ-like man I'd ever known. And I give Elder Holland (through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit) a large portion of the credit for putting my feet in that direction.

When I think back on that day in 2000, I often ponder how I will give my own daughters that same vision that Elder Holland gave to me. How can I help them to understand that they do not need to waste one moment with someone who disrespects them emotionally or physically? I guess it's my hope that I will be able to infuse that message into every fiber of their beings starting now. So that if ever a date or boyfriend belittles something they hold sacred, they won't waste a moment before they walk away from him forever. Because they will know at their very core that they can find someone better. That they deserve better. That's my hope.

Life's Adversities

President James E. Faust said:
"Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow and heartbreak for everyone. The thorns that prick the flesh, that hurt, often change lives. This change comes about through a refining process which seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master."

As I look back over my life I can honestly say that there have come very painful, despairing days. There have been many thorns that have pricked not only my flesh but my very soul. And the refining process has many times seemed cruel and hard and sometimes unending.

From my childhood thru now, the challenges have been many. Moving far from home, losing a child, serious health issues, concerns for children, husband who had cancer, very ill parents, job loses and the list could go on and on. It seems that we all have experiences that try us to our very core.

Isaiah 48:10: "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."

I understand that these experiences are for my best good. I have to thank God in all things in my life - even my very deepest sorrows. That can be a hard thing to do, especially when I am at my very deepest depths. At times I feel all alone with no where to turn. Yet, when I sit still (be still)I feel the Lord's great love for me and his warmth and tenderness fills me with renewed hope and faith that things will turn out OK. Many times He speaks to me through music, especially the hymns. I will wake up with a hymn in my head - a verse or a line or sometimes the entire hymn. Hymns like:
Where Can I Turn For Peace - "who, who can understand? He, only One."
Cast Thy Burden Upon the Lord - "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee."
Do What is Right - "Do what is right; be faithful & fearless, God will protect you; then do what is right!"
How Firm A Foundation - "He'll never, no never, no never forsake!"
Take Time to be Holy - "In joy or in sorrow, still follow thy Lord, And looking to Jesus, still trust in His word."
Sing Praise to Him - "With healing balm my soul He fills, And every faithless murmur still."

These are just a few of the hymns that have been sent as comforting reminders that the Lord indeed is very aware of me and the things I have struggled with.

All I can do is let my heart shout in grateful praise to Him. He has been with me always and has carried me many a time thru sticky slime to a safe and firm place. I have recognized that through all my adversities I can only give Him thanks and gratitude for the challenge, because they have led me to higher ground. My adversities have been the only way that I could have made the changes for better and learned more how to be like Him.

I have learned more and more that when I thank Him for everything, good or bad and for the experiences and lessons learned I am more aware of the great blessings He gives to me. I am grateful for Him and everything that He does for me. I am never alone. And I will meet each new adversity and challenge with a determination to thank Him for all things.

Some words I needed to hear

"All of us have problems. We face them everyday. How grateful I am that we have difficult things to wrestle with. They keep us young, if that is possible. They keep us alive. They keep us going. They keep us humble. They pull us down to our knees to ask the God of heaven for help in solving them. Be grateful for your problems, and know that somehow there will come a solution. . . . Just do the best you can, but be sure it is the very best. Then leave it in the hands of the Lord." -President Gordon B. Hinckley

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

An invitation to share

"Do not be afraid to share with others your experiences as a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ. We all have interesting stories that have influenced our identity. Sharing those stories is a nonthreatening way to talk to others. Telling those stories can help demystify the Church. You could help overcome misperceptions through your own sphere of influence, which ought to include the Internet." ~Elder M. Russell Ballard